- Would You Date a Registered Sex Offender?;
- My boyfriend is a registered sex offender;
- Related Questions;
- Dating a sex offender: the moral and emotional issues that come with it..
Then he started to text me, and it progressed from there. Some offenders end up living on the streets. Others choose to go to Miracle Village, which specifically houses paedophiles and sex offenders. There are around sex offenders there. Chris had been living there for three months when I met him.
When any two people begin dating, the question of your past relationships will come up. Chris explained his crime to me, that he and his girlfriend had been together for four months, and he says he had no idea she was underage. They were on a night out when a police officer asked them both for their IDs. Chris says that was when he found out her age, and he was arrested. Some of the other men in Miracle Village have committed crimes against very young children, aged just four or five.
There are also repeat offenders who abused positions of power, such as a sports coaches or teachers. He totally accepts that a year-old being with a year-old is wrong. When Mum began her ministry in a church in Pahokee a few years ago, offenders were welcomed. She believes that all people who want to worship God are welcome in church. That meant I met a lot of convicted offenders while I was growing up. So when Chris came around, he was just another guy at the church.
There are so many things I love about Chris. He could admit that he was at fault, and fully accepts his conviction. When we met, Chris was on community control, which is basically house arrest.
He could only go out for things like trips to the grocery store, attending church, or work. I had to go over to his house to hang out with him. Dinner dates or movie nights are out of the question. We come home from work — me in a bank and Chris as a driver for a car parts company — and we cook and watch TV. But searching for a home was a challenge. She said it depended on what the crime was. I knew we had to explain it upfront. It was quite daunting, but we explained everything. Thankfully, she gave us a chance, and now we live together in that flat.
We began messaging and realized that we kinda liked each other.
Watch us here
Okay, kinda liked each other a lot! Our communications moved from messaging online to texting and then to talking on the phone. Everything was going great, and we had an amazing connection. Two weeks into getting to know each other, Jacob sent me an email one night. He texted me before I opened the email that he was terrified for me to read it.
As a young and probably slightly dumb 21 year old, Jacob had gotten blackout drunk at a party and attempted to have sex with a woman who was also at the party. But, Jacob tried to have sex with a woman who was not consenting to have sex. Jacob went on in the email to describe that he woke up out of the blackout hours later because he was being beaten and kicked on the ground outside.
He had no memory of what had happened, and he had no memory of how he even got outside. All he knew at the time was that he had gotten extremely drunk and had done a very bad thing and that he was in some serious shit for what he did. Jacob ended up serving time in prison for the offense that he committed that night.
Life as a Registered Sex Offender: Family, Friends, Relationships Q&A Part Two of Three
He has been a registered sex offender for over twenty years now, and he will be for the rest of his life. He thought I should know, and he found the courage to be very upfront with me very early on in our getting-to-know-each-other-phase about what he had done. He was extremely remorseful in the email for what had happened. He wished he could go back in time and change the events of that night, because that young woman did not deserve what he had done to her.
I actually cried when I read the email because of the pain I could feel in his words, the pain he still felt about hurting another person. He told me that he is gentle and kind and a good person, and has never been in any other kind of trouble since.
Should I date a sex offender?
He also told me that every where he lives, and once a year, he still has to register as a sex offender, 23 years after this event happened. He said if I chose to never contact him again, that he would respect that and leave me alone. There is something else here to consider…. As a recovering alcoholic myself, I thought about all the horrible shit I had done too when I was drinking. Hell, I have two DUIs. I am so incredibly lucky that I never hurt anyone, or worse, killed anyone when I drank and drove about a million times.
But I have also had to find a way to forgive myself. I cannot undo the past. I mean countless numbers of men have done this to me in my lifetime. I have been in situations where the men took it too far, did not listen to me saying no, did things to me that when I sobered up made me feel violated.
I was never raped in these drunken situations, but I have been that woman who had to keep saying no and had to push the dude off of me. And I did not deserve any of it, no woman on the planet ever deserves that. Even if she is intoxicated or dressed provocatively, or both, like myself about a hundred thousand times in my life. No woman should ever be violated if she says NO. I am not on board with that not-listening-to-us-saying-no shit, even if you are drunk.
Intoxication is never an excuse that you violated someone.
Can I forgive myself for being a reckless drunk who did some very bad and illegal things? Does another who expresses deep remorse too for what he has done in his life deserve my forgiveness? Yes, I believe he does.
Of course this is all circumstantial, because the circumstances matter. The remorse for it matters. The courage to tell me upfront matters. Will I date Jacob the registered sex offender? Will I have an open mind to it? I will have an open mind because everyone has a story behind how they ended up where they are in this life. We all need to be more willing to not immediately judge someone because of what we see on paper.
On paper, I have two DUIs which automatically makes me look like nothing but a criminal and a drunk, and it has followed me my entire adult life I got the first DUI when I was Because of what is on paper, I actually got kicked out of nursing school at a prestigious university I worked my ass off to get into. I have moved on from it now, but at the time it ruined my life and was probably the single-most devastating thing that had ever happened to me.
But that is a story for another day friends. Thank you kindly for reading my work. I appreciate it with everything that I am.